Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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