He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
