Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
