If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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