I must be too annoying 4 u.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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