Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
