his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
