eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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