Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
