And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
