I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
