If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
