It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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