eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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