He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
