I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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