im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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