well I can't set my house on fire every night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize