remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
