If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
