i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
third nipple confirmed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
