Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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