we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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