and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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