Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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