Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
