i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
