i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
