If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
