Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize