This is not my ceiling
okay pat passed out under dana's car
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
