He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
