I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Pooping to opera.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
