theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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