Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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