I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
