Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
