I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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