i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
