I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You can't just leave with hair like that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
