Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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