..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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