I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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