Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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