her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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