I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize