Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
