How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
