Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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