I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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