I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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