Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
