3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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