It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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