it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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