Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize