I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
