He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
