Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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