proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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