is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
