my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
