they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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