there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
