The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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